Arranged Marriage: Bible's Perspective, Part 6

For part 5 in the series, please click, Arranged Marriage, Part 5

Love

Reason number three, absence of mutual love. When you look at a woman or a girl, who is set to be your wife and the future association is bereft of emotions and feelings of love, that look considers the woman as a tool and a commodity to satisfy your sexual passions, which the Bible refers to as the lust of the flesh. If you do not love the person whom you marry, how will you respect that person? If there is no respect for the person, then there is no control over your thought process and resulting actions.

That is the very reason you make snide remarks on her. She is a matter of joke to you in your talks, comments and in your discourses with others. She is made to bear the brunt of your stupidities.

Sex is an integral part of marriage. Sex has to function and enjoyed inside marriage. But when you indulge in sex with a person whom you do not love, it is then only to seek your own pleasure. It is not making love. It is to fulfill your sexual desires. It is wicked. You are only using the other person’s body as a tool to satisfy your lusts. Does not Bible state that marriage is honorable among all and marriage bed is undefiled? Did God not say that He will judge adulterers and fornicators? Heb 13:4

How can a man and a woman come together in marriage in the absence of mutual love and respect and engage in sex? Bible dedicates a whole book, the Songs of Solomon, to the love between a husband and his wife.

You know why you end up with pregnancy within a year of your marriage? Because, since you do not love each other but engage in sex, you do not want to enjoy each other. You do not want to know your wife, understand her and enjoy the company of each other for a while and you headlong into pregnancy. Also, you marry with the false idea that marriage is only for procreation. No, it is not THE number one reason to marry, but surely an important one, out of the many, as God commands in the Bible.

For final part in this series, please click, Arranged Marriage: Biblical Perspective, Part 7

Abusive Marriage: Biblical Perspective, Part 1

I am constrained to talk on this issue of abusive marriage because someone close to me is trapped in an abusive marriage. And that reminds me (though it is hard to forget) of my growing years.

I grew up in a family where my father abused my mom physically, mentally and emotionally. The physical and mental assault had a lasting impact on her. She became a picture of disaster. For as long as I had seen her, she lived an isolated life, cut-off from the society. Years of brutal and consistent assault left her with a low self-esteem and inferiority complex. The assault ceased after number of years only to return as she became more sick and became bedridden during the past one year (2011-April, 2012). In 2011, I even sought help and reported his criminal acts to the police, who like others, refused to intervene and help.

As her children began to fly away from the nest leaving her lonely, she was left to face my dad all by herself. It was only during a year before her death, as she lay in the hospital, I prodded her to share her agony and travails. She died on May 03, 2012. These are just few bits of information I am sharing for the benefit of my readers.

I never saw my mom and dad talk eye to eye. Any conversation, barely initiated, would result in my dad shrugging her off with his insensitive remark or a statement. He just did not respect her. I suppose, over the years, she realized there was no sense in having a conversation with him.

She confessed if she had the money, she would have quit her marriage. She was trapped as she had no financial back-up nor was she in a position to work, having been drained of her physical strength. She bore five children in a span of seven years. By the time the assault started, she was thirty one plus and a mother of five growing children.

She did not receive any support from the church or believers, some of who knew her ordeals. The church, the pastors, the believers all failed in their duties towards a fellow sister in Christ who was left to fight it out a lone battle. In the thirty five years that I’ve been in the church, I’ve never heard a message on the issue of abusive marriage.

Let’s begin our discussion with few questions.

What do you do when you are trapped in an abusive marriage? What do you do when you are being abused physically or mentally or both? What do you do when you are being picked on, ill-treated, humiliated, harassed, assaulted and consciously neglected by your spouse?

Confusion

These and many other questions disturb and perturb Christians in their married life. Christians are confused over this and the church has nothing to offer in these practical areas of life, having turned a blind eye to these real-life issues. The pastors and Bible teachers have failed to teach the full counsel of God to their church members. May God judge these pastors and teachers!

What is the Biblical perspective on such a sensitive and serious issue? What does Bible has to say about a marriage-gone-horribly-wrong? How should a Christian react and respond in these situations? What is the course of action available for the victim in such a marriage?

For part 2 in the series, please click, Abusive Marriage, Part 2