Arranged Marriage: Bible's Perspective, Part 1

To continue the series on the topic of customs and practices that has permeated into the Christian faith, from the Biblical perspective, I am discussing the subject of arranged marriage. Earlier, I had discussed the issue of Christian couples refusal to adopt children.

Now, the reason I’ve titled the discussion as such is to ensure that you don’t end up with a conclusion that I am promoting love marriages. No, I'm not. I am concerned only about one thing here is whether your marriage is or has been arranged by your parents or by God?

Definition

To begin our discussion, let's begin with the definition of marriage as defined in the Bible. So, what is a marriage? Bible defines it as the joining or coming together of a man and a woman, to become one flesh signifying the involvement of sex in the relationship. In Gen 2:24, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’

Marriage: Child, Homosexual, Lesbian and Polygamy

At the outset, it is evident that Bible commands and approves the marriage of a man with a woman. Bible’s concept of marriage is between a man and a woman. It does not approve child marriage; neither does it approve the marriage of a man with another man or a woman with another woman. Thus, marriage between homosexuals and lesbians is contrary and unknown to the Bible. Also, Bible does not approve polygamy. Marriage is between two individuals of opposite sex.

These unbiblical concepts are a result of the futility, ungodliness, and corruption of the human mind and a result of a false and evil culture as described in Rom 1:18-32. These concepts are foreign to Bible, which is the final and sole authority by which God measures the thoughts and actions of the individuals and the society.

One Man, One Woman: Individual Choice

Individual choice

A quick point to note from the verse is that marriage is an individual choice. It is not the decision of a group, however well-wishing the group may be and nor that of your parents, elders or relatives of your family and neither of your friends. If you wish to marry, you marry. If you do not wish to marry, do not marry. It is an individual choice. If you cannot exercise self-control with regards to your sexual passions, then marry. It is better to marry than to burn with passion I Cor 7:9. To save yourself from the sin of sexual immorality, marry I Cor 7:2.

So, it is the coming together of a man and a woman. It is not the coming together of two families, the man and the woman being just bystanders or byproduct. It is the joining of one man with one woman, the families being the coordinators, assisting in the process. They are the ones who stand alongside the couple rejoicing and commending the association. The couple takes the center stage. They hog the limelight.

An evil and corrupt culture looks at marriage as an association of two families. This is what is called an arranged marriage and a befitting example of ‘the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life’. I Jn 2:16.

For part 2 in the series, please click,  Arranged Marriage, Part 2

Arranged Marriage: Bible's Perspective, Part 7

For part 6 in this series, please click, Arranged Marriage: Biblical Perspective, Part 6
 
The first 'I will' statement of our God: I will make him a helper comparable to him. Instead of ascribing the glory due to Him, we've twisted it around as our parents 'I will' statement: We'll make a helper for our son/daughter comparable to us.

Sons and daughters' 'I will' statement: I will let my parents make me a helper comparable to them!!

Render unto God the things that are God's. Lest God judge you as He did Herod: Then immediately an angel of the Lord struck him, because he did not give glory to God. And he was eaten by worms and died. Again, He is not slack.

Arranged Marriage: Bible's Perspective, Part 6

For part 5 in the series, please click, Arranged Marriage, Part 5

Love

Reason number three, absence of mutual love. When you look at a woman or a girl, who is set to be your wife and the future association is bereft of emotions and feelings of love, that look considers the woman as a tool and a commodity to satisfy your sexual passions, which the Bible refers to as the lust of the flesh. If you do not love the person whom you marry, how will you respect that person? If there is no respect for the person, then there is no control over your thought process and resulting actions.

That is the very reason you make snide remarks on her. She is a matter of joke to you in your talks, comments and in your discourses with others. She is made to bear the brunt of your stupidities.

Sex is an integral part of marriage. Sex has to function and enjoyed inside marriage. But when you indulge in sex with a person whom you do not love, it is then only to seek your own pleasure. It is not making love. It is to fulfill your sexual desires. It is wicked. You are only using the other person’s body as a tool to satisfy your lusts. Does not Bible state that marriage is honorable among all and marriage bed is undefiled? Did God not say that He will judge adulterers and fornicators? Heb 13:4

How can a man and a woman come together in marriage in the absence of mutual love and respect and engage in sex? Bible dedicates a whole book, the Songs of Solomon, to the love between a husband and his wife.

You know why you end up with pregnancy within a year of your marriage? Because, since you do not love each other but engage in sex, you do not want to enjoy each other. You do not want to know your wife, understand her and enjoy the company of each other for a while and you headlong into pregnancy. Also, you marry with the false idea that marriage is only for procreation. No, it is not THE number one reason to marry, but surely an important one, out of the many, as God commands in the Bible.

For final part in this series, please click, Arranged Marriage: Biblical Perspective, Part 7