Abusive Marriage: Biblical Perspective, Part 3

For part 2 in the series, please click, Abusive Marriage, Part 2

So, how do you deal with an abusive spouse in an abusive marriage?

Purpose

Number one is by knowing that marriage is not all that there is to the life of a Christian. You have not been created and saved to suffer in an abusive marriage. You have been created to serve God. Col 3:24b says, ‘for you serve the Lord Christ.’ Eph 2:10 says, ‘For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.’ See, we have been created by God to serve Him by doing good deeds/works. Also, we have been saved to serve God. II Tim 1:9, ‘Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling.’

Understand this folks, you have been bought with the precious blood of Christ, which means through Christ’s death, we’ve been bought. I Pet 1:19. You are not your own. I Cor 6:19b.

You are not your own

You are God’s property. Your identity and being is in God. You were and are married with the purpose of serving God through the help and support of your spouse. You live for Christ as Paul said in Phil 1:21, ‘For to me, to live is Christ.’

Do not remain stuck in an abusive marriage for the sake of retaining your marital status. Run the race like an athlete laying aside every weight with endurance the race that is set before us. Heb 12:1

Position

Suffering in futility

Husband and wife are co-heirs of the grace of life I Pet 3:7. ‘Grace’ simply means a ‘gift’, and one of the best gifts life has to offer is marriage. Thus, Bible gives equal status to both the man and the woman. A woman is not a slave to her husband and a husband is not a master to her. You do not have to suffer mental and physical abuse, humiliation, assault, harassment, and be neglected. Do not consider such abuse as suffering for Christ. Don’t pat yourself on the back that you are enduring suffering for the sake of Christ.

Pain

The more you suffer and endure it, the more you will accumulate hurt feelings, harbor grudge, bitterness, hatred, and anger against your spouse and the more difficult will it be for you to forgive and move on or reconcile with your spouse in the future. Talk to your spouse of the pain that He/she is inflicting on you. If he/she accepts her/his sin, you’ve gained your spouse. If he/she does not, confront your spouse with few members of the church. If he/she accepts, great! But if he/she does not, take the matter to the church. If he/she still does not accept his/her sin, then let the church consider such as sinner and throw him/her out of the church. Matt 18:15-20.

Peace

In I Cor 7:15 Paul says, ‘But God has called us to peace.’ Again, he says in verse 5, ‘Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.’ What a beautiful advice for a Christian couple in conflict! Separate for a while, with mutual consent for the purpose of giving yourself to fasting and prayer (for seeking God's grace and guidance) and come back together so that due to the lack of your spouse, you fall into temptation and commit sexual sin. As Peter said in I Pet 3:7b, ‘that your prayers may not be hindered.’

Our Lord Jesus Christ abhors the concept of divorce except on the ground of infidelity. Even in the matter of sexual immorality, a Christian spouse may forgive his/her erring partner in grace and love. ‘Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.’ Matt 6:12

For part 4 in the series, please click,